{"id":4733,"date":"2011-03-06T16:02:02","date_gmt":"2011-03-06T12:02:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mideastposts.com\/?p=4733"},"modified":"2011-03-08T10:53:02","modified_gmt":"2011-03-08T06:53:02","slug":"six-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-divorced-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mideastposts.com\/middle-east-society\/six-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-divorced-person\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Things Never To Say to a Divorced Person"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Divorce is never easy.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s the reality for 60% of Saudi couples and a divorce is granted every six minutes in Egypt according to official figures. With these statistics, you\u2019re likely to have friends or know people in your community who have been divorced or are currently experiencing a divorce.<\/p>\n

Divorce is often a time of monumental hardship and change. Many people do not know how to convey their sentiments when learning about a divorce. \u00a0Comments are usually well-intentioned, but can be grossly misplaced. In honor of our brothers and sisters who have experienced marriage dissolution or are currently in the process, we present a list of the top 6 things not to say to divorcees.\u00a0 These statements are based on real-life experiences shared with us.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unless this question is posed by close family and friends or persons involved in the mediation process, it is highly inappropriate, offensive, and intrusive.\u00a0 If people were unsure of their decision, they would not have shared the news with others.\u00a0 Additionally, for some people, divorce may not have been their choice or decision to make.\u00a0 People are likely to be under a great deal of emotional stress, and asking them about the uncertainty of their decision is disrespectful of their journey before separation.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cHow long were you married?\u201d \u00a0And upon finding out it was a relatively short period \u2013 \u201cOh, well, at least it was short<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marriage duration is not an accurate indicator of the value of the relationship, the length of the healing process, or the legitimacy of the marital experience. Whether the marriage lasted for 5 months or 5 years, it is important to acknowledge the significance of this loss.\u00a0 The end of a marriage often also symbolizes the end of the dreams, aspirations, and life plans of the couple. Additionally, it is important to realize that regardless of the duration, some people may have suffered through distressing trials in their marriage.\u00a0 The last few months could have been a living nightmare.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cI saw it coming all along<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Since when has \u201cI told you so\u201d ever been a sensitive comment?\u00a0 Unfortunately, some people use these opportunities to reveal their intuitiveness about a person\u2019s marital problems.\u00a0 Although they may consider it to be a statement of reassurance \u2013 that one should not be upset because the relationship seemed destined for divorce anyways \u2013 it is just plain rude and insensitive.<\/p>\n

4. \u201cWho filed for divorce? Did you go to court?\u00a0 What did you get? Who has custody?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

For Muslims divorce is often both a civil and religious process.\u00a0 These processes can be lengthy and draining emotionally and financially.\u00a0 Practice caution when asking questions about the divorce process.\u00a0 Take the lead from the divorcee before entering into a conversation. If the person doesn\u2019t share, don\u2019t probe.\u00a0 These are personal questions and may still be contentious.<\/p>\n

5. \u201cBut you were such a perfect couple!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Or any variation of this such as, \u201cBut he is such a nice brother!\u201d or \u201cShe\u2019s such a religious sister masha\u2019Allah<\/em>!\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s no such thing as a perfect couple or a perfect person.\u00a0 It is important to remember that people\u2019s public personas can be very different behind closed doors.\u00a0 No matter how well we think we know others, there is nothing comparable to living with another person in a marital relationship.\u00a0 Statements that pass judgment should be avoided because the reality is we do not know.<\/p>\n

6. \u201cMay you get remarried soon<\/strong>!\u201d<\/p>\n

Not everyone who has experienced a divorce appreciates a du`a\u2019<\/em> (prayer) for a speedy remarriage.\u00a0 While prayers are important for a person going through hardship, keep in mind that certain prayers expressed during this time may not always be appropriate.\u00a0 Some people do not wish to re-marry for some time.\u00a0 Additionally, some divorces are as a result of traumatic experiences such as domestic abuse or infidelity, and divorcees may very well be fearful of re-experiencing this trauma in a future marriage.\u00a0 It\u2019s better to focus your du`a\u2019<\/em> on helping them to adjust and move on, instead of praying for another marriage!<\/p>\n

So then, what is<\/em> appropriate etiquette?<\/p>\n