Alexander McNabb

Emirates ID Card: The Saga Continues and…

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“Hi. I’m here to apply for my Shiny ID card.”

“Have you filled in the form using the online application application?”


“Well, you have to do that.”

“Can I just not apply here?”

“Yes. As of yesterday you can apply here, but not tomorrow.”

“So why did you tell me I had to do an online application application?”

“The requirement for an online application application applies to online applications.”

“So what do I do?”

“Join that long, shuffling queue of listless people there.”

“The one headed for the door marked “Nowhere”?

“That’s the one. Do you have three photographs of yourself countersigned by a marmoset?”

“No. I was hoping you’d tell me what I’d need as the website is very confusing and changes every day.”

“You’ll need those pretty sharpish, there’s a deadline you know.”

“What is it?”


“But there’s no point in me applying then!”

“Yes there is, you’ll incur fines of Dhs25 a day to a maximum of Dhs1,000. That’ll be Dhs25 please.”

“What for?”

“Your first day’s fines.”

“Okay, here we are. Three photographs countersigned by a marmoset.”

“Don’t be silly, marmosets can’t write. We changed that requirement oh, at least an hour ago.”

“Just take them. What else do you need?”

“Your passport, passport copy, visa, visa copy and the online application printed out. Two copies of a copy of your copy copy and three pinches of peppermint snuff.”

“There we go!”

“Right. Join that queue then. You’ve got plenty of time.”

“I thought there was a deadline?”

“It got extended again.”

“So what happens now?”

“Join the queue. At the end of the queue is a man who’ll send you to another queue.”

“Can’t I just join the other queue straight away?”

“No. There’s a system.”

“Okay, I’ve queued for hours, punched and stamped my papers, I’ve been bioscanned and now I’ve finally got the card. What can I use it for?”

*blank look*

Amazing backstory linked here.

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